Do I Look Fat :: reviews

DISCUSSION GUIDE
The following is both for individuals and groups

1. What does “fat” mean to you?
Take a minute to write down or discuss the words, images or feelings that arise.

2. In what ways did you see your experience mirrored in the film? Discuss the importance of shifting from aloneness and isolation to one of shared experience or understanding.

3. In the gay male community, it can be argued that we spend more time noting how different we are form one another versus noting how similar we might be. Discuss the reasons why this might be so prevalent and then what the ramifications might be for this way of thinking and engaging.

4. As gay men, we are ‘the community’ as much as anyone else is. Consider the implications of that statement.

5. Better understand the historical roots of your body image problems, and begin to feel compassion for that younger self, rather than shame and resentment. If you could go back to that little boy who was over/underweight or who was bullied and teased what types of things would you like to tell him? How would you instruct him to take care of himself?

6. Teasing and bullying, both realized and the fear of, are rampant in gay men’s histories, leaving many gay men feeling emasculated as they grow into adults. In what ways might this contribute to body image issues and eating disordered behavior? Think back to a time when you were bullied or felt that you might be bullied. Stay with this memory for a couple of minutes or for as long as it feels tolerable. Notice any sensations in your body and any feelings that arise. Is the response to this memory a feeling or sensation that feels at all familiar in your present life? If so, what do you tend to do or think following this swelling of feeling or sensation? How does your response in your present life compare with that of your childhood?

7. Consider that you have a relationship to everything in your life. Take an inventory of the relationships you have -those with friends, partners, family, those with yourself, your body and those with food, substances and material possessions. Notice any constants among these relationships, e.g., do you binge through relationships in order to get them out of the way, or do you restrict yourself from any real pleasure in relationship? Once you’ve found some consistencies maintain a gentle curiosity about what you are both getting and missing by engaging in relationship this way. How are you protecting yourself in these relationships and which relationships could use a bit of remodeling.

Begin small, with what seems like the least difficult of these relationships, and begin to gently challenge the ways in which you may be keeping yourself from a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Some examples: if your relationship to getting places is a hurried rush, consider slowing down and notice how differently you experience a more relaxed pace; if when talking to friends you find yourself always waiting for a place to turn the conversation around to yourself, consider listening more attentively.

8. The diversity of ages in the film demonstrates how body image issues and eating disordered behavior cross generations. In what ways might a 24 year old be vulnerable to these issues, in what ways might he be protected? Consider the same question, but with a 44 year old man, then a 64 year old man.
In what ways might different generations support and learn from one another?
What are some of the challenges you see with this?